


Bunk Bed Fights and Suggestive Humor

by finching



Category: Phandom
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Summer Camp, Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Amazingphil - Freeform, Camp, Camp AU, Camping, D:, DAN AND PHIL - Freeform, Dirty Jokes, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluffy, Funny, Humor, Kisses, M/M, Mild Making Out, No Smut, Phan - Freeform, Sexual Humor, Suggestive humor, Summer Camp, Teenagers, danisnotonfire - Freeform, dont come here looking for smut, i guess, im a lesbian and a virgin i know nothing about gay sex, im having a conversation with myself in the tags, im so bad at writing about kissing, ive never kissed anyone so sorry, lets get mildly suggestive, no smut frens, phil makes dirty jokes, sorry - Freeform, that was unrelated, they do the kissing, they fight over the bunk bed lmao, they kinda make out a bit, they're teenagers, this has no structure, woah i just heard a coyote cool
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-18
Updated: 2016-04-18
Packaged: 2018-06-02 23:18:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6587053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/finching/pseuds/finching
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan and Phil fight over who gets the top bunk.</p><p>(There is NO smut in this. Sorry to disappoint.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bunk Bed Fights and Suggestive Humor

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't think of a title for this one. Oops. This one is kind of all over the place, but I thought it was funny. They make out a little bit. I'm bad at writing kissing, so sorry. Hope you enjoy!

Dan did not want to be at this fucking camp. It was buggy and sweaty and dirty and full of strangers. He lost the chance to hitch a ride home a while ago. There was an overbearing nice and cheery counselor named Cher, who lead Dan to his cabin.

“Here we are, Cabin B! And your bunk is number 3.” She said with a grin.

Dan looked up at the cabin. There was a piece of paper with the letter ‘B’ painted on it with blue paint on the right side of the door. He allowed Cher to lead him into the building. He found three bunk beds with white mattresses, white pillows, and white blankets. It was all white, but it wasn’t the clean, bleached kind. It was the creamy colour that looked like old milk. There was dirt covering the wood of the bed posts. Dan scrunched up his face in disgust.

Dan dropped his bag, because it was hurting his already weak and tired arm. He scanned the room after Cher left. His gaze landed on an attractive boy who looked about Dan’s age.

He had jet black hair, but that was all Dan could see of him. He wanted to see more. As if the boy read Dan’s thoughts, he turned around. He was gorgeous from the back, and now that Dan saw the front of him, he was even more perfect. He had wide, curious, cobalt blue eyes, clear pale skin, and a beautiful smile on his face.

Dan was transfixed. Mesmerized. Hypnotized. Held spellbound by this stranger. He couldn’t move. He wanted to get to know him, he wanted to know his name. He was propelled forward by an unknown force, and somehow, he was shaking the boy’s hand. The boy was smiling a smile and telling him that his name was ‘Phil’. Dan was telling him his name, but he couldn’t hear the words that tumbled out of his mouth.

Wow, you’re gorgeous. He thought.

“Well thank you.” Phil chuckled. Oh shit. Had he said that out loud? He figured he must’ve, as Phil had a slight tint on his cheeks. Dan went red, damn his fucking blushing, and wanted a way out.

“So… Which one is your bunk?” He asked, staring at his feet. Phil pointed to the pair of beds closest to the wall, and farthest away from the door in response.

“Oh… that’s mine too.” Dan replied. He considered it to be both exciting and unfortunate that he had to share a bunk with this gorgeous boy.

“What’s wrong?” There was concern in Phil’s voice. Concern that Dan didn’t deserve, he’d only just met the guy. Dan had a hard time hiding his emotions, so Phil could read him like a book. He must’ve noticed Dan’s disgruntled expression.

“Nothing. There’s just…” Dan struggled to find a reason. “A lot of bugs here.”

“Yeah,” Phil agreed, swatting at imaginary bugs. “I had to bathe in bug spray before I got here.”  
Dan smiled at the little joke, which made Phil grin. Then they started to laugh. Not a cute little giggle, it was a laugh-until-you-dribble kind of laugh. God knew why. Phil's statement wasn't even that funny. Eventually, they both had to sit down on one of the beds, clutching their stomachs.

Their fun was cut short, because three angry looking boys walked. They were all shorter than Dan and Phil, but the boys couldn’t help but feeling intimidated. It was like a scene out of a movie.

“Oi, get off my bed.” One of them spat. Dan picked up his items and they wasted no time with jumping up from the mattress and rushing over to their own bunk. Dan felt a lot less awkward with Phil now that they had shared their embarrassing laughs with one another.

“I get the top.” Dan announced, throwing his bag on the superior bunk.

“No way! I’m always the top.” Phil argued, attempting to take the bag off of the mattress, but he was too short.

Dan laughed. “Well, if you can’t reach it, then I’ll have to take the top.”

Phil scowled, because Dan’s argument didn’t make any sense. There was a ladder right next to him. He stepped up on the first rung so that he was tall enough to reach Dan’s backpack, then made a grab for it.

“No! Stop it!” Dan demanded, wrestling the black bag out of Phil’s grasp. The taller boy pulled hard, but underestimated his strength, and ended up falling backward, letting go of the backpack on the way down. He had a brief ‘oh shit’ moment before he hit the hard floor.

Phil fell with him, the other boy breaking his fall. They somehow found themselves on the floor, Phil on top of Dan, and their faces were so close that they shared air.

Phil smiled triumphantly, moving his face closer to Dan’s.

“Looks like I’m top.”

Dan’s face went red, and he struggled to get out from under Phil. As if the boys could get even more uncomfortable, those three boys rounded the corner to find the boys in this compromising position.

“You guys making out on the floor?” One of them laughed. Dan went redder, if that was possible.

“Fuck off.” He muttered, struggling to get out from under Phil. But the other boys had already left, probably to go bully some innocent kid. Chavs. Dan let out a strangled sound when Phil’s elbow dug into his side.

“Oh, hell, I’m sorry.” Phil apologized, rolling off of the dark haired boy with a chuckle. Dan quickly straightened up.

“Damn, that was awkward.” Dan announced, stretching his back.

“I don’t know, I think I’d like to try that again.” Phil purred. “Only with fewer clothes.”

Dan’s eyes widened. Phil had seemed so sweet and innocent before, but Dan had come to learn that that wasn’t the case. Dan decided to let Phil have the top bunk, only because he was so cute, yet sexy. Dan didn’t know that that was possible. Cute and sexy. Hm.

* * *

That night, Dan lied awake on the bottom bunk, he could hear Phil breathing, but it was uneven. He wasn’t asleep. Dan loved how Phil breathed, it was deep and sure. Like he knew exactly what to do and where to go and what to say at what time. Dan decided this was a very weird thought, and ceased to think any more of it.

Dan waited for Phil’s breathing to slow, but that didn’t happen. He stared at the dirty, probably termite-infested wood above him, and secretly wished he had x-ray vision, so he could just stare at Phil’s ass.

That would surely put him to sleep.

Where did all these weird thoughts come from? It was late, and Dan was probably delirious. He fantasized about Phil for a while, and his face screwed up in a kind of scowl as it always did when he was thinking. He couldn’t and never would admit to the not so PG thoughts he was having about his bunkmate. He threw the scratchy blanket off of him, he was getting hot and uncomfortable. For a couple different reasons.

“You’re cute when you make that face.” Phil’s face appeared to the side of Dan, he was dangling his body from the mattress, staring at Dan with a sweet smile.

The dark hid Dan’s tinted cheeks. His damned blushing.

“Thanks.” He replied.

“So what are you thinking about?” Phil whispered.

Dan’s thoughts rushed back to what he had been thinking about, and his damned blush appeared.

“Nothing.” He murmured, and Phil grinned, a devilish glint forming in his eye.

“It was dirty wasn’t it.” He teased.

“What? No!” Dan attempted to save his dignity. “What could I possibly have been thinking of that could be dirty?”

“I don’t know…” Phil put a finger to his chin, tapping with mock thoughtfulness“Me, perhaps.”

Dan pretended to be fed up with Phil’s bullshit. He was a little angry, though. They’d just met! And Phil was hitting on him.

“No, I wasn’t. Besides, I wasn’t even thinking of anything dirty. Why would I be? You have no proof.” Dan argued.

Phil let out a small laugh. “Well, your obvious boner could be a clue.”

Dan almost died with embarrassment, as he realized that he was almost uncomfortably hard, and that he didn’t have a blanket to cover it. He grabbed the blanket and hid his lower half.

“You have no proof I was thinking ‘bout you.” Dan muttered, still flustered,

“Please,” Phil growled. “I’m irresistable.”

Dan almost laughed, but his shred of dignity was hanging by a thread. Phil ignored Dan’s stubbornness and climbed down from his bed and into Dan’s, lying on his side. Dan’s breath hitched when he realized Phil was leaning in. Their lips were almost touching.

Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. He thought, trying to remember anything that he learned about kissing from the internet. He’d never admit that he’d gotten tips from the internet about kissing. Never.

All of a sudden Dan’s lips were on Phil’s, and Dan realized that he had been the one to close the gap. Phil’s lips were so soft, and they dripped confidence.

Without warning, their mouths were open, tongues exploring. Dan thought it felt strange, but pleasant. Phil’s hips rolled against Dan’s, which made him sigh softly. Phil bit Dan’s lip lightly, which brought the boy to his senses.

He was making out with this boy, who he’d just met that day. He knew nothing about him at all. He could drive a knife into Dan’s chest at any second. He was making out with this boy. This stranger. This foreign body.

He pulled away, and hated the disappointed look on Phil’s face. He missed the contact, too.

“Sorry. I’m sorry. “ He whispered.

“It’s fine.” Phil said with a smile.

“I just- I mean, we’re in camp right now. There are people around us. Plus, I hardly know you. I really enjoy kissing you. I do. I just…” He trailed off, unable to think of what to say.

“That’s fine, maybe later.” Phil said, and Dan laughed. The inky haired boy kissed Dan’s cheek sweetly, then clambered back up to his bed.

Dan placed his hand over his cheek where Phil’s lips had brushed, and fell asleep after what felt like forever.

**Author's Note:**

> That was a train wreck.
> 
> EDIT: I went back a reread this. Holy shit is it fucking cringy. Wowza. It is so fucking cringy. I'm so sorry if you made it all the way down here. If you liked it, I'm glad. I hate it personally, but I generally hate my work.  
> EDIT: THE SECOND ONE: I went back and edited this. Oops.


End file.
